Three Tips For Writing A Scene/Article That Triggers You

• Nonfiction -especially memoir writing, can trigger you.
• Writing is like emptying out your soul and bearing your wounds for all to see.
• It doesn’t matter if it is fiction or nonfiction. Both are an act of sharing yourself.
• Often with fiction, it is bits and pieces of yourself and experiences you add like squares of a patchwork quilt.

Writing My First Book

My first book (A Positive Adoption Story) is a memoir of my growing up years weaved together with the adoption of my kiddos. When I started the process of outlining, working on timelines, and piecing together information from my past- I had no idea what I was getting into. I was gleeful and giddy. I was on my way to fulfilling a lifelong dream – writing a book. The wave of excitement saw me through the initial phases of writing.

I enrolled in a memoir writing course and plunged into sharing bits of prose with others. I had positive and negative feedback. Being from a family of writers, I was prepared for both. So, despite the sting of the negative words, I moved forward. What I didn’t know at the time- those negative barbs were nothing compared to the excruciating pain of digging up past trauma.

The Triggers and the Trauma

Fast forward to a few years later. My manuscript was almost complete. Writing it was akin to taking a scalpel to my past without anesthesia. There were a few chapters I neglected to tackle. I knew remembering the events would trigger me. The fear of the pain was greater than the gain. I didn’t want to relive those events again even if sharing them would help someone. I got stuck between a few feet from the finish line and the fear of finishing. If I didn’t finish, I didn’t realize my dream. If I did finish, then people would read it. I stayed stuck there for months. Fear paralyzed me.

Finally, I decided to go stay with my daughter’s family for a few days. I needed to get away from my responsibilities at home and focus on crossing the finish line. As I sat alone in her guest room, I tackled the past with my pen. Downstairs in the living room, my son-in-law was hosting a men’s meeting. All of a sudden the trigger-dam broke. I found myself sobbing and stuffing my face in a pillow to muffle the sounds. I. COULD. NOT. STOP. I have no idea what the men gathered downstairs thought. The water of the past washed over the trigger dam and once it settled, I wrote. I scribbled the words as they flowed onto the paper and became a cohesive story instead of feelings of anxiety and fear.

Over those few days, I, like a hind in high places, leaped over the places of difficulty. Not only did I finish the book, but I also made sense of and peace with my past. Does that mean I’m one hundred percent healed and over it? Nope. I’m still healing. Do you know who else is healing? People who read my story.

Three Tips For Writing A Scene/Article That Triggers You

1. Be prepared to sacrifice yourself temporarily.

Crafting your authentic story is similar to sacrificing yourself for someone else’s benefit. Like an archeologist, you dig up the past. You classify it. Label it. Plot it on timelines. You examine and make sense of it. That is, instead of the past triggering you, you look through the lens of what it taught you. You become aware of the resilience and strength you have now. You tell your story so others can connect to it and begin their healing journey. It’s as if your willingness to share cuts a path through rocky mountain passes for others. The reader follows the path and begins his journey with you- saying, “I’m not alone.” Powerful words.

You may not want to plan to write triggering scenes in someone else’s guest room. Remember, it’s also okay to put them off, just not forever. You can plan a time to write those heart-wrenching parts of your life for an article or a book. For instance, today, it’s a snow day. I’m staying in. I may go snowshoeing outside later. Since I’m not going anywhere public, it’s okay for me to let some pent-up emotions flow onto the page for you. You can do the same. Don’t try to write a scene or article about something that triggers you when you know you need to care for your family or be around people all day.

2. Set aside time to write those triggering scenes.

You can set aside time and space to write those triggering scenes or articles. There are other ways to prepare yourself as well. How do you activate courage? Action. Ruth Soukup says – “Action is the antidote to fear.”

Maybe you are in the middle of writing a memoir or a scene that triggers you. If you are writing fiction, maybe a character is facing something you have struggled with in the past. It’s not surprising if this triggers you and you may feel anxious. It’s okay. Don’t try to plug up your feelings. Feel the feeling and use it to write authentically whether it’s an article, chapter, or one scene. You have no idea how it may help someone. Someone may relate to the character, the scene, the feeling, the event, and feel validated. Keep writing. Don’t give up.

Have tissues nearby. Maybe a journal to vomit out some feelings and ask God how to use them for His glory. Plan to take a hot bath or shower after you write or whatever you need to do to recover. I like saunas, baths, but moving also helps – a walk, swimming laps, or snowshoeing.

3. Give yourself grace and space to grieve.

Giving yourself grace and space to grieve isn’t a repetition of the second point. The thing about triggers is they are like untrained puppies. You think they are finally housetrained and then they pee all over everything. Emotions are like that. They seem to be behaving. We wrote our story or article about the tragedy or trauma last week and suddenly the emotions pee all over us while we are doing the dishes.

The truth is – sometimes grief is like a long deep taproot. When we write about something, we assume it’s been dug up and we’re over it. Nope. Emotions are random, fickle, and erratic.

Here’s something I do – and you can too, to help schedule time to grieve. Yep. Dr. Caroline Leaf suggests we imagine putting the feelings in an imaginary building or box. We tell the feelings we will listen to them tomorrow at 8 am when we journal (or whatever you do).

Figure Out The Trigger

As I said, emotions are fickle. We can suddenly, out of the blue feel intense emotion. the important thing is to feel the feeling. Don’t squash it. Then ask yourself if it is true. Next, ask yourself what you need right now. Why are you feeling this way?

“And immediate why is not about the past. It’s valid at times to ask the deeper “why” questions.” – Holley Gerth, You’re Going to Be Okay

Focus on your immediate “why” and save the deeper one for another time. We often tie an emotion to our past -which may be true. Such as “I was neglected as a child, so I must meet all my needs.” And then the emotion of anxiety sets you off because the restaurant has a wait. We end up digging up the taproot of our past right there in the lobby. Instead, we need to eat the protein bar in our purse.

Instead of unpacking your whole history over a wait in the restaurant lobby, save that for the therapist, friend, or counselor. Instead, ask yourself – What do I need right now? Meet your immediate need – maybe you need a snack, a break, a conversation with a friend, a walk, or fill in the blank.

The truth is many people think of writers sitting in a book-lined study, sipping a cup of coffee, and pounding out words on a computer. All of those are true for me at this moment. What they don’t often think about is what sacrifice writing is. Yes, it takes time. It takes lots of discipline and determination, but even more that – it takes us direction. We have a goal – pouring out ourselves for the readers’ benefit.

• We pour out our pain.
• Our authentic stories.
• We share our weaknesses.
• Our trauma.
• Our tragedies.

And don’t think that authors who only write fiction don’t do the same. The emotions they have the power to evoke aren’t random. Those are emotions that were lived in some way or another in their lives.

Dear author friend,

You are pouring yourself out for others by crafting your authentic story with courage, thank you. Give yourself some grace and space after the writing session. Text a friend. Take a walk. Take a hot bath and cry. Pray. Ask God to replenish you and renew your spirit. And again, thank you for sharing your story!

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