A letter to my future children.

My loves,

The first thing I want to tell you is I love you. Even when you don’t feel loved, I love you. You are my heart and soul. I think about you day and night. You are my children. So, because you are mine, I think of you, I pray for you, I weep for you, I laugh for you, I stay up late at night thinking about you, wanting you to be here with me now, wanting to hold you in my arms and never let you go. Because you are mine, you should know that I am yours. I am your mommy. I will be the one that is there for you when you have a scary dream. I will be the one to pick you up when you fall down and scrape your knee. I will forever be your mommy.

Some of you have already been born. Some of you haven’t. Either way, I want you to know that I am coming for you. I will not leave you lonely or alone because I’m your mommy and I am coming for you. I will fight my way through everything that tries to keep me from you. I will not let negative words, loads of paper work, or impossible situations keep me from you because I’m your mommy and I’m coming for you. I will fight for you like a bear fights for her cubs. You are mine, I am yours, and one day soon I will be where you are. I know another mommy left you before, but I will not leave you. That was her mistake, not yours, you did nothing to make her leave. There is nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you or wanting you. I am coming for you and I will not leave you as orphans.

You may be wondering how I can say all these things with such confidence. You may even wonder why I would feel so strongly about you, who I have never met. The truth is I am not the first person to say, “I will not leave you as orphans.” Another man said it a long time ago. But this man was no ordinary man. He was also God. And just as I’m saying it to you, my children who are still far off, He said it to all His children. He is the true and perfect Father to the fatherless, and because He chose me to come into His family before I even knew Him, I can do the same for you. You see, as much as I love you, He loves you more. He made you. You are beautiful in His eyes.

However, even though He was full of love and wanted to be a good Father to a bunch of lost and lonely people, those people did not like Him. They did mean things to Him. They beat Him, hit Him, yelled at Him, and left Him to die on a cross to die…alone. But He did not die forever. He came back to life! And do you know why He did all that? Because He loves you and He never wants you to be alone again. He was left alone so you never have to be! He never wants you to be without a Father (or mother 🙂 ). He did it to save you from being lost and alone forever and to keep you from ever having it happen to you again. He went through those horrible things so that one day He could hold you close and tell you that He loves you. And because He did those to restore yours (and my) relationship with Him, all of us can have a restored relationship with each other. He became our Father so I could be your mother and you could be my children. And until we are together at last, He is watching over you for me. Even after I come to you, He will still watch over you. He is always with you, even when you feel lonelier than you’ve ever felt, even when you don’t really believe that I will come and get you, He is there and He loves you more than I do.

I know it feels like I am taking forever to get to you. I feel that way too. I wish I could speed everything up and be with you right now…but I can’t. It makes me cry (oh how it makes me cry!). I love you, I miss you, and I want you here with me now because I am your mommy. But trust me. Even though it feels like I’ve been away for a long time, the time we have together will feel even longer. I promise. This doesn’t mean our time together will always be happy. It will be hard sometimes, but it will be a different hard than the kind you are going through right now. It will be a good kind of hard. A hard that always has hugs and kisses at the end. A kind of hard that makes things new and beautiful, like when a butterfly has to work to come out of a cocoon. That butterfly has to push and pull and rip and crawl. It works slowly, but eventually it pulls itself out of its cocoon and shakes out its brand new wings. One day we will shake out our wings together and they will be so beautiful, and it will be because God, our Father, chose me to be your mother.

I am coming for you my loves, my babies, my children. I am your mommy, and I will not leave you alone.

I love you forever. See you soon.

Mommy