Expectations
Week 2 of Biblical Relationships – Adoptive Families
“Early on, people speak of them as “saints”. As time goes by, the child’s disturbance begins to emerge. The parents’ struggles and frustrations are revealed, and people pull away. They become judgmental, nonsupportive, and unsympathetic. These once “saintly” families withdraw, afraid to tell people what they are really going through. They think, “Who will understand?” “How could such a sweet child be so much trouble?””- Parenting the Hurt Child
People have expectations of adoptive families, many of them are erroneous.
The children will be sooooo thankful.
The children will adjust quickly to school and other social situations.
The children are Christians because their parents are.
The children are capable of love.
The children immediately embrace the morals and values of their adoptive families.
When a child from an adoptive family steals, practices immoral behavior, acts out in violently – it is bad parenting. Is it? Yes, but not the adoptive parents ineptness. These kids have been parented by the ways of the world, communism, hunger, lack, violence and incest. How many years does it take to overcome bad parenting?
Expectation.
The expectation of extended family and church family includes the list above. Being part of a family who attends church sets unrealistic expectations on the adopted family. It can cause one situation after another followed eventually by isolation and withdrawal of the family. A child who has stolen food to survive may steal for years before the habit is replaced. Where will he steal? The place he is most comfortable -home and church.
There must be a death to false perceptions. Adoptive parents need support, not judgment.
Follow my blog buddies in their two week trek into Biblical Relationships!
