Podcast Author Interview – Sandra Flach
Kathleen:
Hi, Kathleen Guire here. Welcome to Helping Writers Craft Authentic Stories with Courage. Today we have a special guest, Sandra Flach. She is a friend of mine and an author. She has written a book called Orphans No More. I actually met Sandra through our Empowered to Connect training that we went through together in New Jersey in 2016, a long time ago. And we have collaborated and connected on my other podcast and her podcast. But I’m going to let her tell you a little bit about herself.
Sandra Flach:
Hey Kathleen, I’m thrilled to be together with you again. Love the times we’ve had an opportunity to collaborate. We are both adoptive moms. My husband and I have eight children, five through adoption. Our first daughter came to us. We have three biological children. And then our first adopted daughter came to us back in 1999. Kinship. She was a relative. We didn’t know what we didn’t know back then. We just figured, sure, we’ll raise this little girl, treat her as our own, and we’ll all live happily ever after. And then several years later, the Lord compelled us to adopt internationally. And my husband and I adopted four siblings from Ukraine. And now all of our kids range in age from 31 all the way down to 16. We are parenting our two youngest, a 16-year-old and an 18-year-old. Our two youngest Ukrainian born, both diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome. So life is quite interesting at our house.
Kathleen:
Right. When we were going through the training, one of the things that you and I had talked about was, yes, we definitely wanted to help other people, but we had other reasons for being there in the training ourselves, just trying to survive and just trying to make it. And that was 2016, and I was writing my first book, a Positive Adoption Story. It was published in 2017. But then Sandra started writing her book and reaching out to me about just various things in the writing process. And so why don’t you tell us, when did you first desire to write a book?
Sandra Flach:
For many years, I sensed that the Lord was calling me to write, and I just assumed I’ll eventually write our adoption story. I’m sure that’s what he’s calling me to write. And I write a lot of other things, blog posts, and outline my podcast and radio spots. And I do love to write and to communicate, but I’ve never written a book. And so I just felt like I’m not going to do anything until the Lord really tells me exactly what and when, because I wanted to make sure it wasn’t just an idea. In my own head, I really wanted to know that this was what God wanted me to do. And then after I was praying about that, the Lord began to confirm. There were some different people randomly who would come across my path and say, you should write a book or you’re going to write a book. And I felt like, okay, this could be confirmation. But when I really knew and I really decided I’m going to begin actually typing this story, I had the opportunity to speak to a group about the orphan spirit. I was asked to come in and kind of talk about the orphan spirit mindset, and I did that. And in preparation for that, I had all of my notes and was practicing my notes. And the morning of the message that I was going to bring, I went to open up my iPad. Back in those days, I was taking all my notes on an iPad. I went to open it up on my iPad so I could print it and bring my notes with me. And it disappeared. Like, I saw my notes and it disappeared completely off of the iPad. And that never happened to me before. And I panicked. And then I thought, oh, I reached from my cell phone because the day before we had been traveling and I was going over my notes on my phone. So I opened my phone and click opened my notes, clicked print, heard my printer begin to print, and then it disappeared off my phone.
Kathleen:
Oh my goodness.
Sandra Flach:
But I had the printed notes, went and gave the message, and people were coming up to me afterwards, just giving me feedback. That was anointed that was amazing. It really spoke to them. So the next morning in my quiet time, I was like, God, what was that? I’ve never had anything just disappear. Like, I opened it and I saw it and then it just disappeared and it was no longer on my devices. And where did it go? I don’t know. It’s never happened since. So just sitting in my quiet time with the Lord and pondering that and praying, and the Lord said, that message is what you’re to write about. That’s your book. Wow. And I just sensed that this was a very powerful message and there was some I don’t see a demon around every bush. I’m not that kind of person, but I really sense that this was a message that God wanted out and there was going to be some opposition to it. So I was like, okay, if that’s what it’s going to be about, I’ll write. So I did write. The book is really also my memoir. It tells our adoption story, why we adopted, how all of our kids came home. But then the last several chapters are actually about what I learned about our spiritual adoption as children of God through the lens of being an adoptive parent, because there are so many parallels. We get a new family, we get a new name, a new identity, and oftentimes a whole new family. So many things change. And that’s what I felt like. This is the message the Lord wants me to write about. So the name of the book is Orphans No More: A Journey Back to the Father. Because really the whole process took me on a journey to understand my identity in Christ as a child of God.
Kathleen:
Right. And I got to be on the preread team. And that was super exciting because I was telling Sandra while I’m reading, it like this whole situation that you just talked about sounds so familiar because so many things were parallel. But one huge thing that really ministered to me was just the whole being a spiritual orphan because I kind of weave that into my book even though I didn’t use those terms, because I didn’t understand the theology of adoption, because I really didn’t believe that God wanted to adopt me. So I think that’s so powerful and I think the kind of memoir that you and I both wrote is what is called a self-help hybrid memoir. So it’s got this angle of, yes, I’m sharing my story, but here is also my transformation, and it’s a transformation that you can have yourself. And I love how your book is divided and it has those chapters on being a spiritual orphan because it’s pretty much like a Bible study. And then sharing people’s stories at the end of your book is so powerful. So you’re saying, hey, you know what? It’s not just me, and it can be you too, and it’s this person too. And it’s that person too. Yeah. So I think we answered the second question, which is, what is the theme of your book? If you could sum it up in one sentence- what is the theme of your book?
Sandra Flach:
The theme of the book really is, and I’m probably going to just repeat myself, is it’s our family’s adoption journey and how I learned about my spiritual adoption through the lens of being an adoptive parent?
Kathleen:
No, I think that’s really good. I mean, that’s it in a nutshell and it’s good for us to hear it again because we may have not caught that the first time you said that or the second time where you could probably say it ten more times. We would be like, what’s that book she was talking about? Orphans? No More Journey Back to the Father. Oh, yeah, here’s the theme. See, I can repeat I think it’s really good to repeat things. And who is the book for?
Sandra Flach:
I think a lot of my readers have been adoptive parents, foster parents, but really Christian women especially, who really want to understand their identity in Christ. I know I didn’t grow up a physical orphan, other than my parents were divorced. They divorced when I was little. And I went through my whole childhood and my teen years and my young adult years not feeling loved, feeling rejected, feeling abandoned, feeling that shame, very insecure. A lot of these are descriptions of how a physical orphan, a child, my kids who came through, came out of an orphanage, for example, wrestle with those same kinds of things. And I didn’t understand it. I didn’t really understand my identity. But parenting my children and going on this journey with them and understanding how much I love them and how we brought them into our family and gave them new names and a new life and a new future and a new hope and a new identity, and I began to see that, wow, that is what God did for me. It’s what he does for every believer. Our adoption process is the cross of Christ. So when I began to see that, it really led me on a journey of incredible healing because I wanted my own children to know that they were no longer orphaned. But then I realized I act like an orphan. I act like an orphan and I’m no longer an orphan. I need to start acting and living my life and having the mindset of an adopted child of the king. I’m a daughter of Christ and I have a kingdom purpose assigned to me by my father, my heavenly Father. So you start seeing yourself, and I’m a joint heir with Christ. When we really begin walking in our true identity, we are a threat to the kingdom of darkness. And I believe that’s the goal of the orphan spirit mindset is to really blind us to our true identity, right? And when we’re blinded to our true identity, maybe we get saved. We say the sinners prayer, we ask Jesus to come into our heart. But if we’re living as if we are a spiritual orphan, then we are not living out our purpose because we’re so busy trying to find our self-worth somewhere or our purpose somewhere or what we need somewhere.
Kathleen:
And we learned this in our Empowered to Connect Training that abuse teaches you the belief that you don’t matter and neglect teaches you the belief that you don’t exist. And so many times we become a Christian, but then we act in those two beliefs. I have myself personally acted in those. And then you’re not really effective for the kingdom of God. And that’s why I think your book is so important for, like you said, any woman who is struggling with her identity in Christ. I mean, I highlighted your book, I took notes in your book. It was like a Bible study to me. It’s so powerful and that’s what you want when you’re writing a book that’s offering a transformation. You want people to be highlighting and looking up scriptures. And that’s what that book led me to do and I really appreciate that. And so where can people find your book?
Sandra Flach:
It is available wherever you buy books, of course. It’s on Amazon and a Kindle version, a paperback version. So you can pretty much get it anywhere. If you’d like a signed copy- and I have a nice gift bookmark that goes along with it and I’ll mail it out to you myself. You can go to my website, SandraFlach.com, and order from there.
Kathleen:
Right. Well, that was my next question is where can people find you? Either list your website again, but other places people can find you.
Sandra Flach:
Oh, yes. So my website where I blog and it’s very much related to my book, SandraFlach.com. You can also check out what we’re doing through our ministry, which is really a support for foster and adopted families and families in crisis that is justiceforphans.org. And then I’m also, of course, on social media, Sandra Flach on Facebook and on Instagram.
Kathleen:
Right. And you tell us a little bit… she has a podcast too. So tell us a little bit about your podcast.
Sandra Flach:
So my podcast right now and for many years has been called Orphans No More. Very similar to my book. But my primary audience for my podcast are adoptive foster and kinship caregivers. And we really offer encouragement and inspiration and just tools to help along in the parenting journey. We’ve come to recognize more recently after doing some research, that we’re not really hitting many of the potential audience that we could because the name is confusing. We were a radio show for many years before we were a podcast, and now as a podcast, we know who our audience is. So we are in the process of changing the name. So as of June 1, the name will be The Adoption, Foster Care, and Kinship Journey.
Kathleen:
Oh, that’s awesome. I’m glad you knew that because I was going to ask you that, like, what’s the new name? But I remember we talked about it before we started recording. We like to have three podcasts before we ever push the record button. That’s kind of like our thing. So I’m really excited that you’re changing the name and you’re going to be able to find you easier because people, when they want an answer, what do they do? They search on Google or like, my watch went off. Like, I didn’t hear what you said. That’s how we find things nowadays. Things have shifted and changed and people are looking for answers and resources and help and encouragement and tips and tools online. And I think that your podcast is a great podcast. Will there be a shift in what you talk about?
Sandra Flach:
No, nothing will change. As far as the content, it’s just the name. Because we know now if people are looking for us, they’re not going to search orphans because that name originally came from we are no longer orphans and we don’t want children to be orphaned any longer. So we adopt and we foster. But in the radio days, we were really advocacy. We were advocating for families to adopt and to foster. Now we find that our intentional listeners are parents already on that journey who need community. They need their tribe, they need to hear from other families on the same journey just for that encouragement and support. And how do you do this at these different stages? So we want to make sure the name is relevant to really who we are and what we’re all about.
Kathleen:
Right. And that makes a lot of sense and our journeys change. And I was just thinking, I was really excited because I was on your radio show and I’ve been on your podcast, so I’ve been on both of those things. But yeah, things shift and change. Your purpose is the same, but your name is changing.
Sandra Flach:
I think God gives us clarity over time. He kind of dials it in and we start to understand and are more defined and purposeful on what we’re doing on radio. It’s hard to know who your audience is, but with the podcast, you do know who’s subscribed. Well, not that you know their names, but you get an idea. I get a lot of emails from listeners and I’ve come to realize they’re mostly women like me on this journey, and they have questions and they are struggling and they need some encouragement. So recognizing this is our audience, we want to make sure that other people on the same journey can find us. So we’re just trying to be more available.
Kathleen:
Yeah, that makes total sense. So let’s go back to writing books. And I’m going to ask you now, Sandra and I had several Zoom meetings when she was in the process of writing her book. So for a woman who wants to write her transformational story and she doesn’t know where to start, what would you tell her?
Sandra Flach:
Oh, gosh. I started attending writer’s conferences. Writers and speakers conferences. The very first one I went to was Speak Up. And it was in Michigan. It was in person in 2019, right before COVID, so I got to do in person. And then after that, because of Covid, I actually attended several virtual writer’s conferences. And you really begin to learn and kind of get direction. So I was going to just full-on self-publish. I know that’s what you’ve done. That was my intention. And then I wasn’t interested in trying to go find a publisher because I felt like, Oh, God told me to write this book, I’m just going to write it, I’ll self publish it, and then I’ll be done. It doesn’t really work that way, but that was my intent. But I connected with an indie publisher, which is kind of like that cross between self-publishing and traditional publishing, where I hired a publisher for the pieces that I wanted help with because I had never written a book before and I was a journalist from way back. So for all of our adoptions, I had a journal. And I journaled for the first adoption. I was in Ukraine for six weeks. I journaled every single day. I knew all of the details and everything that happened. And when we got home, it sort of fell by the wayside because I’m really on – all these kids – and I couldn’t journal every day, but it was like I had these history books I could refer back to. So it just kind of flowed out of me. But because I didn’t really know how to write, one of the things the publisher recommended is that I have a writing coach, which I was like, I love to learn. So I was like, Oh, that sounds like fun. So he worked with me for, I think it was supposed to be eight sessions. We were going to meet every week or every other week, and then Covid happened and my kids were home from school, and then it stretched out longer. But I had a great relationship with him, and he was such a wealth of knowledge, and I learned so much about the writing process and my writing became so much better. And he literally, I would email him one of the chapters that I had already written. He would go through it online, digitally, and edit it. Not edit it, not even edit it …he would give me comments in the margin, like clunky, like, you use this one word 15 times in this paragraph. And he would just kind of coach me and advise me, and then I would go and fix follow his directions and I would fix it, and then I would send it back to him. And then he would like, okay, this is good, or It needs a little more work, and then we go to the next chapter. So it took a long time. I had some content in there. And at one point he said, if you want your listeners to get to the end, this important stuff about the orphan spirit, he said, you need to take out some of the stuff. I had some stuff that just sort of was part of my story, but wasn’t really related to what I was talking about. And he said, you don’t want your listeners to get bored and put the book down and never get to the end. So he said, you can just take these chapters out, use them for something else, blog them. It’s not like you never are going to use them, but they don’t need to be in this book. So I just learned so much, and I just truly believe that it came out as good as it did because I had that coach to help me along the process. So those were the two valuable things, is I learned so much from the conferences, from writers and speakers conferences, and even just little things about how to use social media, how to do this, that, and the next thing, and just a lot of tips and tools of the trade I would pick up just through these conferences and connecting with people as well. And that’s how I found the publisher that I went with. So that was valuable. And then having the writing coach, because I was a first-time author, I really felt like I’m so grateful that I did that. And those were two valuable things that helped me.
Kathleen:
Yeah, those are very valuable. And the roadmap for crafting your authentic story with courage, which you can get for free on my website. Kathleenguireauthor.com that’s one of the pit stops is development. You have to invest in your development as a writer, which is what you’re talking about. There are some things that we have to get help with. But I will point this out. Sandra did not stop writing because she felt like she had a weakness in some certain area, like using the same word over and over again. And I often find that beginning writers don’t pursue writing because they’re like, well, I can’t spell. I’m not cohesive enough. I don’t know which part of speech to use. And that is not a reason to not write. All those things are fixable. Everything is edible. Editable. Yeah, I can say that word. It can be revised, it can be fixed. And even if you have what we refer to as Capital Letter Syndrome, maybe you’re Dyslexic and you’re like, I really want to write a book. You can. You can dictate the book. There are all of these things. So if you feel like you have this story in you and God is pulling on your heartstrings and telling you, you need to write this, you need to write it. Because writers write. That’s what they do, and they should write every day.
Sandra Flach:
That was the thing that I learned because I was writing very sporadically, as life allowed initially, and life is never going to allow you to complete a book. So you have to be very intentional. And when I decided finally to get intentional, I started writing again. And then I decided, I think I need to print what I’ve written just to kind of read it like a book myself to see how this goes. And I had written several things, like, I told the same story numerous times, and that was because I was so scattered in writing. I didn’t have that continuity. I’m starting here and I’m ending here. So then I did that old-fashioned thing called an outline, the thing that we never wanted to write in school. We had grown. We just wanted to write the essay. We didn’t want that one. I had to write an outline so I could stay on task. And then I learned I really need to be plucking away at this a little bit every day because if you start and then put it down for three months and go back and start again, that’s what I was doing. I was rewriting things that I had already written and it became crazy. So those are the things I learned in the very beginning because I knew nothing about writing. I mean, I was still in the two spaces after the period phase because I had taken my typing class in high school. And when my writing coach said, there’s only one space after the period, I’m like, Oh, no, I know this because I finished writing in high school. And he’s like, that rule doesn’t apply anymore. I’m like, what? My world was rocked.
Kathleen:
I know, and I think the continuity thing is so important. That’s why you need to write every day. You do need to make an outline. And I always suggest that when you’re beginning a book you make a timeline of your life, and especially if you’re doing your adoption memoir or something, you’ve overcome, and then you highlight those things that were really specific to whatever your theme is. And that way you can pick them and use them in scenes instead of like, what you did. Because I did that too. When I wrote my first book, even though I took a memoir writing class first, I would repeat the same story over and over again. Of course, it took me twelve years to write my first book, which please don’t do that. It’s better to make your writing a priority. Set aside the time, even if that means I mean, for a season for one of my folks, and I’ve done this many times, I was getting up at 4:30 in the morning to work on it so I could have time alone and really keep working on it. It’s going to take work to write a book. We can’t say, Oh, you want to write a book. It’s going to be so easy. No, it’s going to take work. But it is worth it because one of them and I’ll finish up with this last thought, and I’ll let you put in whatever you want to say last. But one of the things that’s very valuable about you having your book in your hand now, Sandra, or you can order it on Barnes and Noble, Amazon, whatever. Is that speech that you were giving, that conversation that you wanted to have is still there in the future because you have the book. That book is there. People can continue to see that transformation, read that about the orphan spirit because it’s there and if you run into someone in the grocery store or whatever. Like I remember before my book was finished, I kept having people ask me questions about our adoption story and I would think, man, if I had the book finished, I could just say, here’s the book, or order the book. And now you can do that and you don’t have to be there, people can read the book. So I want to point that out. Any last thoughts?
Sandra Flach:
Oh, gosh. I just reiterating what you said about writing every day. That’s so important, and I learned that the hard way. You said you took twelve years to write your first book. I think mine was like five. The last year of really going through it with the writing coach was during COVID when my kids were home from school and I had to get up very early in the morning if I wanted any quiet time to finish it at all. So persevere. But make it a priority because it’s not going to just happen. You’re not going to get to it just one day. Make it a priority.
Kathleen:
Right. I 100% agree. So thanks for being on the podcast today, Sandra.
Sandra Flach:
Oh, thank you. I enjoyed it so much. Kathleen.
Kathleen:
I will see you next week, guys. Bye.
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