Six Signs You Are Stuck In Denial In Your Author Journey And What To Do About Them
Denial.
Have you denied that you are a writer?
Have you lived in denial?
Listened to the voice in your head whispering I’m not good enough?
Shared your work with someone (like a family member) got negative feedback and threw in the towel?
Or (like me) took a detour for years?
Have you let your writing weaknesses –
- I can’t spell.
- I’m not cohesive.
- I’m too long-winded.
- No one will ever read my stuff…
choke out your desire to write and lead to flat-out denial? You find yourself saying “I’m not a writer.” But you really want to be? Writing is the desire of your heart.
In the first article in this series, I ended with the advice to own your desire to be a writer. If you missed “Desire”, I suggest you go back and read it first. And before you start reading this article – write down and say, “I am a writer.”
Signs You Are Stuck in Denial And What To Do About Them
Now we’re on to the topic that isn’t a popular one to read. When you see the word denial in the title, you probably want to skip or skim this one. May I strongly suggest that you don’t? If you truly desire to be a writer, the topic of denial is super important. Many wanna-be authors (including me) camp at this pitstop and never make any progress.
Signs you are stuck at the pitstop of denial
- You camp here on the side of the road and wish you could be a writer.
- You watch other authors whiz by crafting books.
- You read obsessively about writing but you don’t follow through and use the knowledge.
- You follow a bunch of Instagram accounts about writing and envy their success.
- You send your writer friends tips about writing you find on social media but don’t apply them.
- You may even call yourself a writer once in a while. But most of the time, you wish you were.
If you’re reading this article, you haven’t totally denied that you are a writer. That’s a great place to start. So, where do you go from here?
Struggling with self-doubt as a writer? You’re not alone.
Every writer faces that little voice whispering, “Who am I to write this?” But here’s the truth—mindset is the biggest difference between writers who finish their books and those who don’t. 🚫 You don’t need more time.
🚫 You don’t need permission. ✅ You need the right mindset.
When I Buried My Talent
In 1998, hubby and I received the “National Parents of the Year Award.” In Washington D.C. we were celebrated with a reception in the Capitol Building. Hubby and I traveled with our own press – the owner of the newspaper I wrote a Mom’s column for – and his wife.
When we received the award, I felt like an imposter. There were nine other couples in the final ten who seemed more qualified and deserving of the award. The media solidified my imposter syndrome by editing out the intelligent things I said during interviews. During one interview – everything about the importance of family, a godly foundation, and some encouraging words was edited out. Instead, I basically say- “Being a Mom is easy. I make peanut butter sandwiches.” I was mortified. After the short season of misconstrued narratives, I was disillusioned with the media and writing.
Part of the expectation of receiving the award is speaking, writing, and supporting the foundation of the family. I failed on that account big time. The newspaper owner shut down his paper and took another job out of state. I lost my column- my tiny string that attached to me my purpose as a writer was clipped. I dropped the ball with my responsibilities to the award and my purpose -writing.
I parked at denial for years. I didn’t do any speaking or writing about family. I lived bitter, broken, and disillusioned.
But that’s not the end of the story.
Parable of the Sower (Writer’s Version)
Let’s look at the parable of the sower for a minute. When you read it, keep an open mind. We can hear scriptures at different times in our lives and experience new revelations. Expect a new revelation today.
“What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road, and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn’t put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled by the weeds. Some fell on good earth, and produced a harvest beyond his wildest dreams.”
For the sake of this article, let’s look at these types of soil as categories in a parable of the writer.
“The Bible says there are four types of soil: impenetrable, shallow, thorny, and good.” – Jennifer Dukes Lee, Growing Slow
- Impenetrable. Birds ate it. This type of seed doesn’t take root at all. It’s the writer who has the fleeting desire in the middle of the night, but she wakes up and thinks it is the late-night coffee she drank. In my example of imposter syndrome after the National Parent’s of the Year Award, I brushed the voice off. I left my writing aspirations behind and lived bitter, broken, and disillusioned. As a writer, I didn’t pursue my desire or let it take root. I denied my desire and stayed stuck on the roadside, not crafting my authentic story with courage. Jesus says this is likened to When anyone hears news of the kingdom and doesn’t take it in, it just remains on the surface, and so the Evil One comes along and plucks it right out of that person’s heart. This is the seed the farmer scatters on the road. This type of denial is discrediting the desire from the beginning. Don’t let the desire to write be plucked from your heart as I did.
- Shallow. This is the seed cast in the gravel. There is instant enthusiasm. Maybe you attended a writer’s boot camp or conference. You leave with resources, excitement, and a plan to move forward. Your desire has been ignited. I’ve been here, but then the emotions wear off. I doubt my ability. My calling. I deny it. Or get stuck in Imposter Syndrome. I’m not like those other ladies who attended the conference. I’m not good enough. No one will read my stuff. Then I get stuck in a pattern of self-sabotage, discouragement, and in the end, deny my desire. My writing files sit idly waiting to be finished. My website sits dormant for months, waiting for me to write another article. *If you are struggling with discouragement, fear, and/or imposter syndrome -here’s a helpful article – Three Fears That Keep Us From Writing And How To Conquer Them.
- Thorny. The Message translation says “weeds” instead of thorns. When I taught creative writing to school-age kids, I talked about ridding our writing of weedy words. It’s actually something I struggle with on a daily basis in my writing. I overwrite. I overthink. I struggle with being concise. Ask me for a sentence, I’ll give you a paragraph. Confession- I can’t write a book title, tagline, or even a title for an article without help. The tagline for this website – “Helping Writers Craft Authentic Stories With Courage” took weeks and one long morning of brainstorming with my daughter. She has an English degree and helps me with all things writing. What does this have to do with thorns? Or weeds? Or denial?
The truth is the thorns and weeds for a writer are often our weaknesses in our writing craft. And instead of asking for help, taking classes, reading books on our craft, listening to podcasts, etc..- we let the weeds choke out our desire. We say things like:
- I’m not writing because I can’t do it perfectly.
- I will only write when I can do it perfectly.
- I write paragraph-long sentences so therefore, I’m not going to write.
- Fill in the blank with your own.
I filter through the first three categories pretty frequently.
- Good Soil. This is the soil we want. It’s when we move from desire, denial, and on to owning the fact that we are writers. We hear the news that we are writers-
- We find the resources we need- podcasts, books, websites (like this one).
- Acknowledge we have weaknesses but we don’t let them stop us from writing.
- Reframe potentially limiting beliefs and fears (use the journaling exercise below).
- Move from desire to action- producing a harvest beyond our wildest dreams.
This is the soil where we plant ourselves deep in the dark soil and don’t lift our heads to ask what others think. We pursue our desire with discipline and determination.
After the adoption of four kiddos, I did a few speaking engagements and I allowed the media back into my home. There were newspaper articles and I centered my interviews on my faith in God. Although not everything was written the way I wanted it to be, I didn’t shut down afterward this time.
The seed in good soil was reawakened at a funeral. A tiny seed of hope was planted in the dark moment of death. A cousin asked me – “Why don’t you write a book about the adoption?” The seed of the idea lay dormant for a long season. Then it became a blog. Next, I enrolled in a memoir writing class, did the work of outlining, made a timeline of my life, and it finally became a book. You can too. If I can do it, you can.
Struggling with self-doubt as a writer? You’re not alone.
Every writer faces that little voice whispering, “Who am I to write this?” But here’s the truth—mindset is the biggest difference between writers who finish their books and those who don’t. 🚫 You don’t need more time.
🚫 You don’t need permission. ✅ You need the right mindset.
Journal Your Feelings And Beliefs
Don’t think that you have to stay stuck in one of the categories. Once you’ve identified where you are, you can move on. We’re on a road. The roadmap for crafting your authentic story. We’re moving forward to Discipline, Determination, and Direction. If you see yourself stuck in a category other than good soil, you can make changes. Consider this a rest stop. Right now, take some time to examine which category you see yourself in. Think about what has been holding you back. Grab your journal and write your feelings and beliefs about your desire to write. When you are finished, take the time to go back through and highlight patterns.
- What’s true? What is not true?
- Determine whether these thoughts are serving you or not.
- Do they fall in the impenetrable, shallow, thorny, or good soil?
- When did you first feel the desire/calling to write a memoir?
The truth is, I cycle through all of the categories on a regular basis. I’ve sometimes been stubborn and had impenetrable soil. Then other times, I get shiny object syndrome, full of enthusiasm, I chase the latest – write your book in a week and quickly exhaust myself and quit. I self-sabotage. Other times, I let the thorns of weakness rule.
- I can’t spell.
- I’m not clear and concise.
- No one will read this.
- I let the chores of the day choke out the time I set aside for writing by putting them first on my to-do list.
Then God sends a reminder my way- through a friend, podcast, book, or in my prayer time – You are a writer. I settle in the dark good soil, writing with my head down, not looking at what others think, feel, or are doing and I progress.
Here’s your reminder. You are a writer. You have been called, equipped, and chosen. You have a story that someone needs to hear. No one can write your story. Only you can. Start today.
Whatever category you find yourself in, remember, “God won’t stop planting until He finds our good soil” (Jennifer Dukes Lee). It’s time to move from denial to acceptance. With acceptance and owning your talent, gift, or calling, move next to discipline, determination, and direction – the topic of my next article.
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